Video Conferencing: 4) Connection
Beyond the Screen
Video conferencing promised to bring us together, yet something always feels missing. We navigate an endless array of digital tools—video calls, chat, shared documents, virtual whiteboards—each designed to keep us connected, yet none quite delivering on the promise of true human presence.
Why do these solutions leave us feeling disconnected? Why does video, despite its ability to capture our faces and voices, still feel so hollow?
We believe it’s because none of these tools are actually built for connection.
Connection isn’t a feature, a setting, or a mode. It’s not something that can be toggled on or off.
Connection is emergent. It arises when people are fully present, when authenticity is valued over performance, and when there is space for trust, kindness, and openness to take hold. And yet, video conferencing today often works against these very principles.
The Illusion of Presence
At its best, video conferencing allows us to see and hear each other across distances, a powerful ability that was once the stuff of science fiction. But at its worst, it reduces us to flat, pixelated representations of ourselves, stripping away much of what makes human connection feel real.
Consider what happens when we enter a video call:
We stare at our own reflections, becoming hyper-aware of our appearance rather than the conversation.
Delays and glitches disrupt the natural rhythm of speech, making exchanges feel stilted and unnatural.
The subtle nonverbal cues—eye contact, body language, microexpressions—are diminished or lost.
Silence, which in real conversations can be meaningful, becomes uncomfortable and is often filled with unnecessary chatter.
Instead of fostering connection, these conditions create a sense of performance. We curate our backgrounds, adjust our lighting, and perfect our presence in a way that isn’t reflective of how we’d behave in a physical setting.
This isn’t just an issue of technology—it’s an issue of design.
Authenticity vs. Projection
In earlier entries of this series, we explored the concept of the authentic self versus the projected self. Connection flourishes when we are authentic, yet most video conferencing tools encourage projection.
Much like social media, video calls present us with a distorted mirror—one where we see ourselves as others see us in real time. This creates a feedback loop of self-awareness, shifting our focus from the conversation to how we appear in the conversation.
Certain platforms have attempted to solve this by replacing real video with digital avatars, smoothing over imperfections and automating facial expressions. But does a perfectly rendered avatar bring us closer together, or does it only increase the gap between us?
The best video conferencing experiences should enable—not inhibit—our ability to be present as we truly are.
Reclaiming Connection in Video Conferencing
So how do we shift from performance to presence?
Redefining Eye Contact
True eye contact in video calls is impossible. When we look at someone’s face on the screen, we’re not looking into the camera. Some tools attempt to correct this with AI-generated gaze correction, but does that solve the problem or create a new form of artificiality? Instead of forcing eye contact, we should design for attentiveness—indicators that show active listening, intentional pauses for responses, and subtle visual cues that encourage engagement.
Designing for Openness, Not Just Efficiency
Most video conferencing tools focus on efficiency—clear audio, seamless screen sharing, and minimal friction. But connection is often found in inefficiencies—the casual small talk before a meeting, the unplanned moments of humor, the side conversations that spark unexpected insights. Can video platforms create more room for spontaneity instead of rigid agendas?
Minimizing Self-View and Reducing Distraction
Many platforms default to showing our own video feed alongside others, pulling our focus inward. What if self-view was optional, or dynamically hidden after a certain period of time? Simple design choices like this could help shift our attention away from ourselves and toward others.
Rethinking Presence Beyond the Grid Layout
The standard video conferencing layout places all participants into equal-sized rectangles, reducing individuality to a uniform grid. But connection isn’t about equal screen real estate—it’s about attention, presence, and natural flow. Some tools are exploring spatial audio and dynamic layouts, shifting emphasis based on who is speaking or reacting. These features mimic the natural ways we gather in person, where focus moves fluidly rather than being constrained to static boxes.
Trust as the Foundation of Connection
Connection isn’t just about seeing and hearing each other—it’s about feeling safe enough to be real. Tools that prioritize security, privacy, and accessibility foster spaces where people can open up without fear. Without this foundation of trust, all other design improvements are meaningless.
From Features to Feelings
Video conferencing has come a long way, but it still has far to go. While technology can improve resolution, reduce lag, and introduce new modes of interaction, true connection isn’t about the tool—it’s about how the tool makes us feel.
We don’t need video conferencing to simply show us each other—we need it to make us feel seen.
To get there, we must design with human connection, not just communication, in mind. The tools of the future won’t just be about transmitting information—they’ll be about creating spaces where we can be fully present, authentic, and open.
That’s when connection truly happens.
It’s been several years since we’ve seen the pros and cons of remote work, are you just as frustrated by technology as I am? Let’s connect and discuss!
